Or how I learned to stop complaining and love the airline industry

I'm just going to say it: I've had it with the constant beating up on the airline industry. I'm a (very) frequent flyer and I'll be the first to admit, I don't enjoy the experience - not one bit of it from start to finish. It's time consuming, stressful, boring and inconvenient.  But frankly, I think that's a small price to pay for the overall convenience of being able to cross the planet in a single bound. And if that is something you are privileged enough to do, quit whining, I bet there are plenty of people who'd like to take your place. And believe me, I can recommend some less convenient and less comfortable alternatives for you

I know most air travel isn't people going on their dream vacation, it's often for mundane purposes such as work or business. But still, there's no reason to degenerate into a complete jackass just because you have to switch off your phone and sit still for a few hours. People exhibit a level of hatred for the airline industry that should be reserved for the likes of BP, Monsanto and Halliburton.

I think the most obnoxious thing about chronic 'complaners' (get it?) is the complete, utter, self-importance of it all. I've been drawn into more conversations than I'd care to admit, swapping notes and horror stories about how miserable flight X was. You know what I'm talking about, the 'conversation' where everyone is talking over each other, inserting more horrific indignities with each telling and no one hears a word of it. Something like the House of Commons at midday on a Wednesday.

Let's start with short-haul flights. 

Anything under three hours, I don't want to hear a single complaint. I don't care if they stuff you into an old cargo plane with chickens and goats. You can put up with almost anything for three hours. You certainly can survive in an upright seat without a bad meal and free booze. Shut up.

Onto long-haul flights

Face it, long-haul flights are as comfortable as they have ever been. If you haven't been on an Airbus A380 yet, you've got something to look forward to. Those bad-boys positively float and the toilets are roomier than your average hotel room in Singapore. Seriously. Pack your toys, sit down and behave yourself.

Why is it still seemingly acceptable to treat airline and airport staff so badly?

I was going through Heathrow a couple years ago and forgot about a water bottle in my camera bag. Rookie mistake, it just slipped my mind. I was held up for about 20 minutes while they carefully went through my bag, I was mildly irritated (with myself) but it's not like I had anywhere else to be.

The guy in front of me also got stopped. Caucasian, middle-aged, arrogant, American. He went nuclear. He was pulling out frequent flyer cards like they were meant to be some sort of special security pass and raging about the lost time and inconvenience (he was on my flight, there was ample time). I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this man probably wouldn't have acted like this in the security line at an embassy or consulate. Maybe he was just an asshole. But I've seen variations on this scenario play out repeatedly on the ground and in the air. Maybe they should start handing out Xanax and Adavan at the check-in counter.

Budget airlines

Budget airlines are called budget for a reason. It's not a conspiracy or a mean trick. If a 'complimentary' can of Coke and a pack of peanuts means that much to you, take your business elsewhere. I've flown with Virgin Australia, JetStar, Tiger, AirAsia, EasyJet, Frontier, BMIbaby, FlyBe, SpiceJet and (god forbid) Lion Air - they all do exactly what they say they will, get you from A to B with no frills whilst (fingers crossed) adhering to international safety standards. So sit back, enjoy the extra bulge in your wallet and forget about your 2 less inches of leg space.

Except RyanAir, it's always okay to complain about RyanAir.

All airlines are not created equal

All airlines are not created equal, just like restaurants and hotels. Most of us fly with whoever is cheapest or has the most convenient flight going to the right place at the right time. It's unfortunate that the service and amenities you get on a flight with United pale in comparison to Etihad or Cathay Pacific; but if you ended up on the United flight, please just accept this and move on. I can't think of another industry where the constant comparisons are so tiresome.  When was the last time someone talked your ear off about the relative merits of Hilton over Marriott?

Flying is public transportation

The days of flight being perceived as a 'luxurious' mode of travel are well and truly over. You aren't special or exclusive because you fly. The romance is dead. Flight has been thoroughly democratised. Think of it as riding the subway in the sky.