The good, the bad and the ugly.

2 posts in under a week! I'm really hoping to get this blog back on track for awhile. I've been pretty lousy at it lately, but we had a huge summer (literally, we both came back from a three-week trip to America significantly heavier than when we left) and then the start of the academic year was upon us and so it goes.

Anyway, as our time in Malaysia grows shorter (61 days!) I'm starting to see everything in two categories: what I will miss, and what I will not. Let's take a look:

Things I will miss:

The lovely, lovely weather. 90 degrees every day, guaranteed.

The food. In no particular order: yam basket, banana leaf curry, laksas of all sorts, hokkien mee, steamboat, Chinese pork ribs, salted chilies, the list goes on . . . .

Cheap stuff. Especially: food, haircuts, the vet, gasoline, (really nice) hotels, taxis, the cinema, massages.

Regional travel. So much to see and do, in three years we have covered: Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, India, Myanmar, Singapore, Indonesia x 2, Thailand x 4 and several good romps around Malaysia including a few trips to Borneo and some totally gorgeous islands.

Cheap regional airfare. Or how else would we have managed the above? AirAsia, I love you.

Under the sea. This part of the world has possibly made snorkeling my new favourite activity. Rays, octopus, starfish, clownfish, amazing corals. Can't get that just anywhere.

Wildlife. Orangutans, elephants, proboscis monkeys, hornbills, giant lizards, sea turtles. Even the little geckos.

Having a swimming pool. There is a very nice pool about 20 feet from my front door.

Thunderstorms. Totally epic, torrential, noisy, tropical thunderstorms.

Never ever being cold. You know what it's like to get out of bed at 7am in January in Illinois? I don't.

About a billion public holidays. When you observe Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Hindu and national/state holidays that adds up to a lot.

The diversity. There's a lot of different people here. I like that.

*And this really goes without saying, but of course all of our amazing Malaysian and fellow expat friends who we've met along the way.

Things I will not miss:

Driving. Everything about it.

Trying to get stuff done. It's so hard to get the simplest things done here sometimes. Want to pay your internet bill? Must call them up and do it over the phone (Oh! The irony). Need a plumber? Take three consecutive days off work and pray he shows up by the third day. Want to deposit a cheque? Good luck finding the 'special' deposit machine for foreigners.

Calling strangers on their mobile. See above. Lots of businesses and tradesmen are not online, so you can't look them up online or book an appointment. Instead, you ask around, you get some guy's mobile number and hope for the best.

Bureaucracy. There is a form and a supplementary price for everything.

Negotiating. I hate haggling and negotiating, I don't want to be ripped off and I don't want to rip you off. Just tell me the real (fair) price.

Sugar. It's in everything.

Spitting, hawking, chewing, slurping. I know it's a cultural thing, but I don't like it.

Littering. Is there really no space in your car for that empty packet of crisps? Really?

Cockroaches. Really big ones.

Lack of personal space. The pushing, shoving, me-first battle of boarding a plane, train or just standing in what passes for queue here.

No means no. If I said I don't want to buy it, I really mean it. Also, don't follow me around the store.

Palm oil plantations. Please, please stop destroying your beautiful country.

Sopping wet toilets. With or without footprints on the seat, this really irritates me. If part of your bathroom ritual basically involves taking a shower, that's fine. Just please wipe up the mess.

And did I mention DRIVING?

Back to Borneo

We made our first trip to Sarawak nearly two years ago and now we're going back . . . with my parents in-tow (they'll do fine, really).

To get everyone prepared for our journey, I have been re-reading and insisting that everyone else read Redmond O'Hanlon's book, Into the Heart of Borneo.  This is one of my all time favourite non-fiction books and is essential reading for armchair adventurers and hardened travellers alike.

Redmond, his poet-sidekick James Fenton and their three charming and resourceful Iban guides all set off on an incredible adventure deep into the jungle in search of the Bornean rhinoceros. Pumped full of tuak (native rice wine), arak (a lethally strong rice brandy), hoards of sticky rice and boney river fish they have many (mis)adventures - particularly with the local wildlife, which includes:

• 166 species of snakes: including 2 species or python, 50 venomous snakes including, aggressive sea snakes which have been known to swarm in the thousands, three kinds of cobra, pit vipers and river snakes.  Let's also not forget the flying tree snakes.
• leeches: giant leeches, up to two feet long and tiny leeches that live in rivers and streams only as wide as a thread that patiently wait for you to drink them down so they can feast on you internally.
• mosquitoes. Enough said.

Less scary native species include the elusive clouded leopard, cranky sun bear, big-eyed tarsiers, tiny slow loris, agile gibbons (they can swing from branch to branch for distances of up to 50 ft at speeds up to 35 mph), mighty orang-utans and countless species of birds including the revered hornbill.

Although parts of Borneo are now as developed as anywhere else in Malaysia, deep in the jungle there are still unruly natives prowling about with lethal blowpipes and who were reportedly head-hunters up until the 1960s. Despite ever-increasing development and the devastating destruction of huge swathes of primary rainforest for ever-expanding oil palm plantations, Borneo still possess a slightly wild edge.  It's not New Guinea, but it sure ain't a tourist-packed Thai island either.

We won't be hitting the jungle quite so hard as Redmond and James, but we have every intention of spotting a few orang-utans, visiting a Dayak longhouse, squeezing in a few jungle treks of our own, relaxing on the beach (hopefully without sea snakes!) and no vacation would be complete (especially with Thomas Galli) without a few beverages.  I can't wait to be back in Borneo.

Borneo: Part 2

Well despite a rainy day our impression of this place is not diminished and our spirits remain (mostly) intact. As yesterday was Ian’s 30th, we thought we’d make it extra special by going and paying a visit to the Orang-utans. The sanctuary here in Sarawak is home to about 20-odd orang-utans which have been rescued or were formerly kept as pets and have now been rehabilitated and roam freely within the reserve.

While we were waiting for the feeding area to open three orang-utans obliged us with an early visit. One juvenile, who plainly enjoyed showing off came crashing through the trees and was swinging around from branch to branch and hanging upside down. A mother with a tiny baby clinging to her also came along and the three of them came quite near, no further than 10 meters away and at one point were more or less overhead. Although later one of the park rangers piped up with this warning, ‘If they throw a small thing this is lucky, sometimes they throw a branch, sometimes they throw a snake, sometimes they throw a beehive.’ Thankfully, nothing was thrown.

After mother and baby departed another mother and baby came along and gave us a second photo opportunity. We were then allowed into the feeding area where we had to walk a couple hundred meters into the jungle. In there we found another young male who was greedily gobbling up fruit. At one point he had an entire bunch of bananas stuffed in his mouth and a mango in each foot. There were only about two dozen people there but easily must have been at least $50,000 worth of camera equipment. Needless to say it was a pretty special experience and amazingly only cost $1.00 each.

After the orang-utans we went Anna Rias which is a traditional Dayak village which welcomes visitors that sits right on the Indonesian border. On our way the gas tank suddenly dipped to near zero and started flashing. With no other option, we pulled over at a shack that had a motor services sign (no gas pump in site) and asked the barefooted, bare-chested proprietor if he had any petrol. I’m pretty sure he thought we were as strange as we found him. From nowhere he produced about five 1.5 litre Coke and 100 Plus bottles that had been refilled with gasoline. After Ian took a quick sniff to confirm it was indeed petrol, the man began emptying the Coke bottles into the gas tank and we were on our way.

We went and had a wander around the village and were offered a sample of their homemade rice wine (it was surprisingly good). The entire village is more or less on giant, rambling longhouse built about 15 feet off the ground and the floors made of strips of bamboo lashed together. The village was an odd collision of worlds, plenty of people were sitting around milling grain and weaving baskets and rattan mats whilst the place was dotted with astro satellites, children were running around with their Nintendo DS in hand and there was even a banner announcing their presence on Facebook.

We then returned to Kuching and had a delicious dinner of crispy soft-shell crab, Thai-style tilapia, midin which is a local jungle fern that looks like a bit like samphire but tastes like a slightly more bitter version of spinach and some rather boozy margaritas. Dinner was delicious and our lady-boy waitress took a very keen interest in Ian. She wouldn’t even look at me. We then had a few birthday beers and calling it a successful day, made it home in the pouring rain.