First anniversary

We've officially been in Malaysia for 1 year and 4 days - although I spent a whopping 14 weeks travelling this year, so I suppose I've really only logged about 9 months here.

Realizing how much time we've spent outside of Malaysia - and taking advantage of a three-day weekend, we went to Penang. It was a harrowing 5 hour drive with high-speed tailgating at about 110km an hour the whole way - at one point we ended up immediately behind a six car pile up - no doubt due to the aforementioned high-speed tailgating.

Arriving safely and in one piece we opted for a night in Batu Ferringhi - an unimpressive so-called resort town just outside of George Town which backs onto the busy and polluted waters of the Straits of Malacca. It was nice to be by the sea (worth it just to see a woman in full burqua on a jet ski) - and our real goal wasn't a nice beach holiday but to score some first-rate Chinese seafood.

We cruised around town and as expected found a run-down, slightly dirty, packed little restaurant just meters from the sea serving all manner of crab, prawns and fish. We opted for one of our favourites - sweet & sour chilli crab and we were not disappointed. Stuffed and messy with sauce smeared all over our chops (and in my case, my clothes) we called it a night and primed ourselves for an exploration of George Town the following day.

Compared with it's sister-city Melaka, George Town is both bigger and dirtier (I saw 4 rats in 24 hours). On the plus side, it's considerably less touristy and certainly lives up to it's reputation as a culinary destination.

Rain kept us from wandering and exploring as much as we would have liked - so we hunkered down at some food stalls, stocked ourselves with beer and began several hours of taste-testing some of Penang's most famous fare - from loh bak (deep-fried minced pork wrapped in tofu skin) to Penang laksa and the local (spicier) version of the ubiquitous kway teow (essentially Malaysian pad thai).

After our feast we headed back to the streets and stumbled upon a delightful little bar that is (for those of you who are lucky enough to have been there) almost exactly like Duffy's - same size, layout, decor, and general atmosphere (just Chinese and no Chicago Cubs paraphernalia). We met an Aussie engineer in the oil business, a Dutchman who found himself in Malaysia after his holiday to Thailand was cancelled due to the floods, and a wandering 38 year old American with a penchant for Asian women half his age, an obsession with self-defence and the right to bear arms. We had a grand time.

We did of course squeeze in a couple of cultural attractions as well. We made a brief stop at the Snake Temple - which although not exactly as I envisioned (you know, Raiders of the Lost Ark) but there are a few pit vipers slithering (actually snoozing) at the altars.

We also made an attempt at a tour of the Blue Mansion - a restored home that once belonged to a wealthy Chinese merchant in George Town. While the mansion is certainly impressive, I would not recommend the tour.

For no discernible reason (other than there is probably a gift shop at the end) you aren't allowed to take photos (strictly enforced) and the entire tour is said to take an hour, but after 25 minutes we hadn't gotten out of the foyer and it was too crowded and too hot to hear anything the tour guide had to say anyway. So we bailed and played with the camera out front for a bit instead. The Blue Mansion also operates as a guest house, so clearly the best thing to do would be to plan ahead and just stay there.

The Midwest meets Mecca

I've successfully survived my third roundtrip from Kuala Lumpur to Chicago this year. As wonderful as it is to go home, there is quite simply nothing pleasant about the journey. Going east or west it's obscenely long and the 13 hour time change is painful for even the most well-adjusted traveller.

Two wonderful weddings aside, I couldn't have picked a better time to go home. With the exception of two wet, blustery days, Illinois was enjoying a truly splendid early autumn.

It's just possible that in the 22 years I spent growing up in the Midwest that I may have taken for granted just how lovely it can be at certain times of the year.

In any event, all good things must come to an end and on Monday I began my epic return journey. I'm well into my 7th year of living abroad and coming and going from home never gets any easier. The stress and anticipation going and the stress and sadness of leaving never change. Although coming from Malaysia rather than the UK adds a completely different dimension - there is of course the distance (the only way for me to get further from home is to move south) but the disorientation that comes with such a drastic and immediate cultural and environmental transition.

The long layovers in Abu Dhabi or Dubai only enhance the disorientation. Wandering Abu Dhabi airport in the wee hours of Wednesday morning there were two flights boarding for Saudi Arabia - one for Riyadh, one to Jeddah.

The Riyadh flight was 100% male and I would hazard 90% of the flight was new or returning migrant workers - mostly poor Bangladeshis and Indonesians. The other 10% seemed (at least in my mind) to be large, swaggering Saudis returning home from business.

The Jeddah flight was nearly 100% full of pilgrims embarking on the Hadj bound for nearby Mecca. There were large delegations (at least 50 people each) from Kazakhstan and Malaysia, all in matching outfits and roughly equal numbers of men and women. There was another large delegation of entirely men - I couldn't tell from where, but I would guess another gulf state.

The Kazaks looked old, tired and poor; the Malays diminuitive in both size and disposition. The all-male delegation, wrapped entirely in loose, open white robes were laughing, smiling and snapping photos to the point where they were in danger of missing their flight - if you didn't know better you could have sworn they were all off for a stag weekend.

Watching these flights board, I struggled to think of any two groups of people with which I had less in common. I would go just about anywhere given the opportunity, but Saudi Arabia isn't one of them.

Finally my turn came to board and I ended up sitting next to a friendly, middle-aged man who asked me in good English, where I was from and what I was doing in Malaysia. I explained and asked in turn what he was doing - he said he was visiting his son who is a student and wants to send his other son to study in Malaysia as well.

I asked if he was from the UAE, he said, 'No, I work in Abu Dhabi.' He hesitated a moment then told me he was from Yemen. He added, 'There is a civil war now, I want to get my younger son out of Yemen. The situation is very bad.' The conversation faltered, what do you say to someone who tells you they are from Yemen?

I dozed and watched the Pirates of the Caribbean III for the rest of the flight. As we began our descent there was a bit of rain, my Yemeni friend said, 'Oh, I love the rain.'

Cambodia: Around Angkor

Following our short, but pleasant stay in Phnom Penh we made for Siem Reap, gateway to Angkor Wat and the rest of the Angkor Temples.

Again, I had done my homework and was thoroughly prepared to be awed. Angkor Wat was constructed early 12th century, so it's roughly the same age as Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. It took about 300,000 people and 6000 elephants to construct.

It is by any account impressive and all things considered - incredibly well preserved. Naturally, the place is packed and long gone are the days, where even if you get up really early can you count on having the place to yourself. So you do have to tolerate the crowds - but there is some respite, it is amazing how many people (especially those in obnoxiously large tour groups) just plow straight through to the middle and don't explore the perimeters, courtyards or even all the incredible bas-reliefs. Angkor Wat is vast - we made two trips spending about 2.5 hours this first time and went back again for another 1.5 hours.

Angkor Wat was (and is) the crown jewel of the Angkorian Dynasty, which ruled from roughly 800AD to 1400 (and encompassed most of modern-day Cambodia and a great deal of Thailand). Spanning nearly 600 years, the Angkorian period left dozens of other temples - none of the others as big as Angkor Wat, but some equally if not more impressive. None of the other temples are nearly so well preserved as Angkor Wat, and some have been left to jungle for long periods of time.

Some of them have been left for so long that there is some emergency work being done and countries and foundations from all of the world are chipping in to sponsor work - the Chinese and Koreans and pouring money into Cambodia (and not just in temple restoration), but being Hindu temples, the Indians have also taken a great deal of interest in their preservation.

At the moment you are still allowed to wander pretty freely around the ruins and even climb them. I can't help but feel these days are limited, the number of tourists is clearly steadily increasing and it seems to me unlikely that the temples will long be able to sustain the current amount of traffic, wear and tear. People generally seem to be pretty respectful, there is mercifully little graffiti, but the mainland Chinese tour groups are pretty blase about scattering their empty water bottles wherever they like (and there's no shortage of rubbish bins).

Still there is so much to see and as we had 5 days in the area we had plenty of time to explore some of the 'lesser' temples in the area - which is a ridiculous really - if all of these weren't piled one on top of the other, they'd each be famous in their own right. Also amazing is the variation between the different temples, I fully anticipated 'temple fatigue' setting in after about a half dozen or so, but they are all so different and the detail so astounding, that I could have gone for another couple of days easily.

We hired a tuk-tuk driver for our time there and he dutifully carted us round to all the sites and kept us supplied with cold water (it was hot, but mercifully the humidity is nowhere near as bad as in Malaysia). Travelling by tuk-tuk was of course novel, but it also gave us a chance to see a lot of the Cambodia countryside, which is by any account idyllic and I daresay even greener than Ireland.

As for Siem Reap, well it serves a purpose in terms of catering to the tourists with a truly overwhelming amount of accommodation, restaurants and watering holes. We'd heard surprisingly good things about it, but I thought it lacked entirely the charm of Phnom Penh and it largely struck me as the Cambodian version of West Yellowstone (although it is probably a bit better than West Yellowstone.) The airport is surprisingly nice, but that's pretty much all I have to say about it.

Cambodia: Phnom Penh

You'll forgive me for not getting round to this earlier, but no sooner had I sorted the photos from our trip then I was (and still am, now on day 4) struck down with a viscous stomach bug that Cambodia was kind enough to give me as a going away gift.

Dysentery aside, we had a wonderful trip.

We flew in Phnom Penh, expecting a hectic, dirty, still-recovering capital of a desperately poor country. The city is neither dirty (I think it's significantly cleaner than KL) nor is it particularly hectic. I can't quite put my finger on it - or think of a better way to articulate it, but there is a certain 'lift' that is nearly automatic when one departs and Islamic society and arrives in a Buddhist one. Even in the face of pestering tuk-tuk drivers and begging children, there is an undeniably laid-back aura that in my experience is simply non-existent in peninsular Malaysia.

I did a lot of reading about Cambodia before we came, and poor, very poor though it is (the average annual income is around $480) it is already difficult to grasp how far Cambodia has come in the past 30 years. Phnom Penh is teeming with excellent local restaurants, bars and cafes (no chains - yet, get there now!) and the Royal Palace, National Museum and other main city attractions and monuments are in tip-top condition.

Save for the number of street children and a very visible UN presence (child protection, land mine victims, human trafficking, world heritage and of course the ongoing Khmer Rouge trials) it would be just about inconceivable that that just over 30 years ago this was a country that lost 1/7th of its population to the Khmer Rogue, had more bombs dropped on it than were dropped in all of WWII, and that Phnom Pehn itself was nearly entirely evacuated, ransacked and looted.

Indeed given Cambodia's tragic recent history, we made the obligatory trip to the Killing Fields of Tuol Sleng. One of the most striking things about Tuol Sleng, like Auschwitz, is that, it is just a place. A place where people live and work - it's largely surrounded by rice paddy, and rural winding lanes; it is just such an ordinary place. Unlike Auschwitz, none of the buildings still stand, however, it does somehow feel less sanitized than Auschwitz.

The only real monument there is a tall narrow pagoda which has been filled with unearthed human remains and clothes; otherwise it's an area not much bigger than a large backyard by American standards, that has several pits and rather crude wooden signs to point out and describe atrocities or asking you, 'please do not walk through the mass grave'. They have not even paved the path around the Killing Fields - nor have they exhumed all of the mass graves (roughly 10,000 people died here) so that when it rains, bits of clothing, bone and teeth frequently come to the surface.

It was heartbreaking and grim and about all we could take. You can also visit the prison in Phnom Penh, Prison S-21, the most notorious of the Khmer Rogue and where most people who were eventually executed (not so much executed as bludgeoned and beaten, they did not want to waste the bullets) at the Killing Fields were first held.

Having done our duty and soured our morning, we headed for the Russian Market. Like most markets in Asia - it's dank, cramped, sprawling, and full of junk - it's also full of really, really, really cheap clothes. If you look through your wardrobe, you'll probably find a fair few items are 'made in Cambodia.' And if you are prepared to dig, bargain and take a chance that it might not be a perfect fit - you can walk away with a lot of top end designer goods - for literally 90% of the regular retail value. Ian came home with $400 worth of Lacoste & Ralph Lauren shirts (real ones) for $40.00.

We also packed in a trip to the royal palace, had a nice stroll around town, a few drinks at the Foreign Correspondents Club and ate plenty of delicious food (avoiding the platters of deep-fried spiders though!) The food in Cambodia really is terrific and in Phnom Penh you really are spoiled for choice.

A growing trend in Cambodia at the moment seems to be 'charity restaurants' - which are really brilliant - they are proper restaurants, in fact usually very, very nice restaurants. The idea is that they take in street children and rehabilitate them teaching them how to cook, serve, host etc. All profits go to the child rehabilitation programmes and the food and service were outstanding; although, the nicest part was that all of the children (mostly teenagers) seemed really pleased and really proud to be working there - it lacked entirely that horrible patronizing, post-colonial feel.

So went our time in Phnom Penh, we both really would have liked another full day there but everyone and everything we read was so down on it that we thought a day and a half would be plenty. I suppose coming straight from the West one might find it a bit of a shock, but considering we live in KL and my last holiday was to Chennai and Delhi, Phnom Penh was indeed relaxing by any account.

I shall wrap up there, plenty more to come on the temples at Angkor . . .

Hot fun in the summertime

Well we are surviving our first Ramadan without too much disruption. The only real change is that the driving is even worse than usual. Our drive home from work is plagued by starving, dehydrated maniacs trying to get home so they can overdose on food the moment the sun sets.

Fortunately we'll be escaping the chaos that descends with the end of Ramadan by nipping off to Cambodia for a week. Should be a good time and hopefully the fact that it's the middle of the rainy season won't be too much of a hindrance. Rumour has it that the rain confines itself to torrential downpours in the late afternoon and it is otherwise hot and sunny. They say Angkor Wat looks best in the rainy season too as the jungle is extra green and lush.

The food should be awesome, but I have heard tales of eating tarantulas, crickets and duck foetus so I suppose one much choose wisely. In any event, cheap beer should more than make up for any culinary mishaps.

Ramadan

Well, Ramadan is off to a roaring start (courtesy of the AP & New York Times)

Malaysia Ramadan TV Ads Axed Amid Racism Complaint

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) — A Malaysian television station has axed a series of commercial to mark the Muslim fasting month of Ramadan after angry viewers complained the ads insulted non-Muslim ethnic minorities.

The commercials began airing recently to remind viewers of Ramadan, which began Aug. 1. Muslims refrain from eating and drinking from dawn until sundown during the month.

The three 30-second clips depicted an ethnic Chinese girl eating in public, wearing revealing clothing and being loud. It ended with messages urging viewers to avoid doing such things in respect of the Muslim holy month.

The ads sparked outrage in the Muslim-majority country, with many slamming private station 8TV on its Facebook page.

The TV station withdrew the ads and apologized late Tuesday.

News and events

So you may recall that some months back I did a post about a corrupt customs official who fell to his death from the third story of the anti-corruption building - it was (is) largely assumed (known) that it was either murder or suicide.

However:

DSP Sharul Othman Mansor, who was recalled to the witness stand Friday, told the inquest into the death of the Selangor Customs assistant director that, in his professional opinion, Ahmad Sarbaini fell while trying to climb out the window on the third floor of the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) building here on April 6.

He said this when questioned by MACC lawyer Datuk Seri Muhamad Shafee Abdullah.

Muhamad Shafee: So this means that it was not a suicide.

DSP Sharul: Yes.

Muhamad Shafee: And this would also mean that it was not a homicide?

DSP Sharul: Based on my analysis of the evidence, yes, I agree with you.

DSP Sharul had testified earlier this month that Ahmad Sarbaini had fallen some 10m to his death while trying to jump from the said window on to nearby roof "which looks near when you're standing at the window".

The roof, however, is actually about three metres from the window.

Right.

This is a stretch even for Malaysia - I can barely believe they actually printed this.

But Malaysia has been making other headlines here as well. Last Saturday saw some major protests that did attract some international attention:

For those of you who missed this, Malaysia is in the most technical sense a democracy, yet the same political party has run Malaysia since independence - so pushing 60 years. Opposition parties have done increasingly well in recent elections - and there have also been accusations (lots of them) that the current government isn't playing fair in elections, corruption etc. - which is of course largely true.

So a lot of opposition groups got together, formed an organization called Bersih 2.0 (Bersih means 'clean' in Bahasa Malay) and decided to hold a protest.

The government freaked, said the protest would be illegal; Bersih said fine, give us a place to have the protest (a stadium); government says OK; Bersih applies and is rejected because the group is then deemed to be illegal.

So protests go as planned, about 20,000 well-behaved protesters turn up, police fire tear gas and set off water cannons.

Not your average day in Malaysia certainly. All in all the protests were certainly a success; the protesters behaved; the police didn't and there has been much discussion about how the protests successfully brought together a wide cross-section of Malaysian society and did wonders for race relations etc.

And one final piece of rather disconcerting news. The state of Kedah here in Malaysia has ordered the closure of all evening entertainment outlets throughout Ramadan to curb immoral behaviour. Not only is this ridiculous (and has at least caused a lot of controversy and uproar) but potentially catastrophic for businesses - this has been decided with about two weeks notice! It's also redundant because it's illegal for Muslims to drink anyway.

Big fat Indian wedding

Can I just say how relieved I am that my wedding came before Lavanya's, because no event ever is going to live up to this one. Also, she looked absolutely, positively beautiful:

5 events in 7 days, a couple thousand people, lots of food & booze and more costume changes, songs and dances than a Bollywood film. I don't generally like to resort to photos for a blog update, but in this case I really have no other option:

Lavanya, incapacitated by her drying henna, manages a quick drink.

Lav's henna

Lav's mom & aunts perform a dance at Sangeet.

To go or not to go?

After 48 hours of agonizing and intensive research we have after all decided not to chance a trip to Srinagar. It was oh so tempting: the Shalimar Gardens, a houseboat on Lake Dal . . .

and the security situation at the moment is okay - but 2010 was a rather bad year up there and it just doesn't quite seem worth the risk. I was ready to say let's do it and then I read what the British Foreign Office says and revised my position (and Ian forbade me from going):

'We advise against all travel to or through rural areas of Jammu and Kashmir, other than to Ladakh, and against all but essential travel to Srinagar. If you intend to travel to Srinagar then you should only travel there by air, and you should check the local security situation before doing so.'

This followed by about three pages of details of grenade attacks, kidnappings, bombs etc 90% of them all in Srinagar and that was pretty much all since 2008. It has the same level of warning as Iraq and Afghanistan and let's face it, I'm not planning holidays there anytime soon.

The US State Department says simlilar but I've found in the past that they get a little over-cautious, they probably put out a travel alert everytime the Canadians have an election. But the Brits, generally, don't mess around. If they say don't go, they tend to mean it.

So we're back to our original plan. It's probably going to be about 113 degrees in Delhi, but we'll survive. I live 200 miles from the equator, how bad can it be?

Ready or not . . .

Not much to report from Malaysia, but our big India countdown is well underway.

I've been doing my homework and pulled straight from my Lonely Planet have stumbled upon the follow statistics:

Population: 1.15 Billion (16.9% of the world population)
Average annual income: $977
Proportion of population living on less than $1 a day: 1/3
Number of $US millionaires: 125,000+
Average cost of a big city wedding: $12,500
Percentage of families living in a a 1-room home: 42%
Child laborers: 50 million
Proportion of total global world poor living in India: 1/3

So all read up and itinerary set, we're as ready as we'll ever be.

We start with a week in Chennai (pop. 6.6 million) for Lav's big, fat Indian wedding. And then head up north with Ankit for a whirlwind week of the 'Golden Triangle' - Delhi (pop. 12.8 million), Agra & Jaipur.

Ankit may soon regret his offer to haul three Western women all around for a week. The heat alone may kill us, and bonus points to Em who will be making her maiden voyage to Asia this trip - talk about diving in head first!

Just another day in paradise . . .

Home two weeks now, we are just about back into the swing of our regular routine. We recently purchased a big outdoor gas grill with some our wedding funds and have had no end of fun with it. It is no exaggeration to say that Ian loves it significantly more than me.

Last night we made a Thai curry made with fresh grated coconut wrapped in banana leaf and then cooked on the grill. It tasted awesome and was a great deal of fun.

Now coconuts are not exactly difficult to come by in this part of the world, but getting into the tough little buggers and using them is another story entirely. A few weeks back I noticed that the Indian corner shop near our condo had a little machine outside and that it was littered with coconut husks and shells.

The guy didn't speak much English but he did recognize the word 'coconut' so he dutifully went out back and returned with two massive coconuts and pointed at the machine. I nodded.

He pulled a massive machete from nowhere and walked over to the sewer drain, he tossed the coconut lightly in his hand gave it a swift whack, tossed it again, gave it another swift whack and the coconut split dead even in two, he drained all the water from it and switched on his little machine.

This machine is almost like giant coffee grinder, only not with blades so much as a massive whirling steel bit in the centre and with the whirling steel bit facing out rather than upwards. So he just holds one half of the coconut right up against this very fast-moving, indeed dangerous little contraption. He expertly rotated the coconut so as to get as much flesh as possible and not any of the shell.

It was all over and done in about five minutes, and this guy was a deft hand to be sure, but there were several moments where the whole operation could have gone very, very wrong. This would not have flown in the UK.

Otherwise all is well, despite a tremendous thunderstorm last night, the rapture has at least bypassed this part of the world. We seem to have solved our cockroach woes, we haven't seen a single one since Ian sealed the drains and we gave everything a good spray.

I'm having a hell of a time navigating the cultural quagmire at work. My old boss, now consigliere, made me read a twenty page article on the concept of 'face' and the 'saving' or 'losing' of it from the American Journal of Sociology the other day. I have a lot to learn about work culture in Asia. Sigh.

When it rains, it pours

Our heatwave was finally broken yesterday by some of the heaviest rain I've ever seen, it was literally just walls of water falling from the sky. We had the misfortune to be out and about in Bangsar with no tools for combating the weather, so we bravely or foolishly - depending upon how you look at it - made a break for it. We only wanted to get across the street, but we were instantly drenched and the water in the street came up over my ankles (it had probably only been raining for 10 minutes at this point). We then thought we'd sit it out, but the sky had taken on that rather permanent look of rain and we seemed doomed to wasting our Sunday afternoon milling around the mall soaking wet and freezing so we broke down and took a taxi the three blocks back to the car. It was perhaps the best $1 I've ever spent.

On the upside, the rain really does seem to have broken the heat a bit, it's 7:55 am and I suspect we haven't even hit 90 degrees yet. It has been hot, ferociously hot, hot enough to even make the locals complain.

It's also been horribly hazy and smoggy. A lot of people (mostly Europeans) here complain about the smog. Typically I don't find it to be that bad - excellent by Southeast Asian standards and frankly far better than London and Los Angeles, let's not even go there. In any event, the smog and haze has been particularly bad and I assumed it just had something to do with the heat. Apparently, according to both the news and locals it's that the winds have shifted and it's all the smoke blowing across the Straits of Malacca from all the rainforest that the Indonesians are burning down (for oil palm plantations) on Sumatera. This of course provides the perfect excuse for the Malaysians to remind everyone that really it's the Indonesian's fault (everything is) and how Malaysia's environmental policies really aren't so bad after all . . . .

Home Sweet Home

Having been away for just over three weeks we have made it back to Malaysia. We had a great time in Chicago (even though the weather was lousy) and the wedding was a complete success. We have returned pale, plump and stocked with loads of North American goodies - chipoltle, hot sauce, bbq sauce, mac & cheese etc.

We returned last night to find our flat mostly as we left it - save the minor infestation of cockroaches. We keep traps down and spray regularly (just part of living in the tropics) but there were 10 dead ones in and around the flat. Extremely unhappy we went out the minute the shop opened this morning and have armed ourselves with an arsenal of toxic sprays and traps. Ian has discovered where they have been getting in, so after a quick trip to Ace Hardware this afternoon and a good spray we will (HOPEFULLY) be rid of the little (actually not so little) bastards.

Beyond that it's good to be home - it's only 10:30 and we've already been in the pool. The warm weather, sunshine and sleeping in my own bed are pretty good too. It would be even better to be home if we didn't have to go to work tomorrow morning. Sigh.

I've also forgotten how the West does spoil you a bit and in three weeks away it's amazing how quickly I had forgotten about some of the disorder that comes with life in Southeast Asia (flashback to chaotic scenes at baggage reclaim at the airport). I've also not missed at all the scent of durian.

Headline news

During our rather stressful 40 minute (on a good day) drive to and from work, Ian and I enjoy listening to a local radio station called BFM. The quality of the English is pretty good and it's largely aimed at expats and businessmen. There is even the odd edgy interview where someone might think about criticising the government or suggest that perhaps an Islamic education system isn't all it's cracked up to be.

A couple of headlines that have got our attention lately:

- Deputy Customs Director thrown from third floor window to his death from the National Anti-corruption Building.

Apparently this guy and about 100 other agents were smuggling vast amounts of money, cigarettes and other goodies into Malaysia. But really the irony of being murdered in the Anti-Corruption Building.

- Fake egg sellers face jail time and fine

Yes, fake eggs. There no details as to what these fake eggs are made of - other than that they pose a 'potential health risk.' In a country where real eggs literally cost pennies, I can't imagine how this is a profitable scam, but alas.

- There is a road fatality every 80 minutes in Malaysia.

And of these fatalities, 62% are speeding related and well over half are caused by men and/or motorcycles.

Borneo: Part 6

After our few days relaxing at the beach we packed it in for Bako National Park. Getting there was quite a battle. We returned to Kuching to catch the bus that takes you to Bako village, from there it is a 25 minute boat ride to access the park proper. The bus ride was a nightmare. It was supposed to take 40 minutes, but 40 minutes after departure we had not even made it out of Kuching. Was this due to traffic? No. Our driver decided to make a pit stop at the betting shop so he could get in a bit of gambling.

After we finally made it to the boat terminal, we went through a bizarrely long and over-complicated registration process and got into a boat. It looked seaworthy enough, but I was not particularly impressed by the number of signs warning of crocodiles. We didn’t see any.

We arrived in the positively baking heat and were shown to our basic, and I mean basic accommodation for the next two nights. You could see straight through the floorboards of our room and they creaked ominously every time you took a step (arousing the macaques snoozing underneath). The furniture was held together with scotch tape and glue and the ceiling fan so dusty and dirty that it was a minor miracle that it even worked. The shower unsurprisingly had no hot water (not that it mattered in the heat anyway) and no light bulb. We were really roughing it.

We didn't have particularly high hopes for the food, but it was pretty disappointing, especially after Buntal. The food sat out all day everyday and was exactly the same for all three meals. A couple kinds of noodles, fried chicken, fried eggs, greasy rotis . . . you get the idea. At least they were well stocked in beer and water.

As it was only about 1pm we decided to get in a quick hike. We set off for a beach that was a 2.5 km hike with an estimated 1.5 hours one-way. The first 400 meters were pretty much vertical and then it flattened out, but you were shot out of the jungle into the baking heat and glaring sun. We persevered and after a very steep descent reached the beach. It was a small cove, completely surrounded by lush jungle. There were a few monkeys hanging about which scattered upon our arrival. We went for a quick swim to cool down and started back. We were running dangerously short on water it was pretty grueling. I marched straight into the canteen and downed a can of 100 plus and a 500ml bottle of water in about 3 minutes flat. I then and had one of the best showers of my life.

The next day we had big plans to take on one of the longer trails that was about 8km return. We stocked up with plenty of water this time and got an early start to beat the heat of the day. It was mercifully cloudy which really helped to keep the heat down; I’m not sure we would have made it in the blazing sunshine. We completed the hike and made incredibly good time, it took us about 5 hours which included a long break on the beach and several water breaks. It was probably some of the most difficult hiking I’ve ever done (only the great Pilatus descent, Switzerland, 2009 compares).

The flora and fauna in the park is amazing. We saw several kinds of carnivorous pitcher plants and all sorts of flowers, ferns and palms. The park is also home to monitor lizards of which we saw one that was about 2 feet long. There are also loads of wild pigs that hang around just snuffling in the grass. They come remarkably close to you and frequently block the way on the paths.

The most famous residents of the park are the proboscis monkeys. These monkeys are rare and only found in a few other places in Borneo. The Proboscis monkeys are quite large, with red-gold fur, long white tails, massive pot-bellies and very odd-looking, long, pointed noses. We were lucky enough to spot several of them twice as they come in early in the mornings to feed on the mangroves.

Two days was all the jungle I required so we packed up and returned to Kuching for the final day and half of our holiday.

Borneo: Part 5

I awoke refreshed, stiff and sore and then remembering my massage managed to drag myself out of bed. After a quick breakfast I marched over the little hut by the beach collapsed onto the massage table and let the masseuse work her magic. It was potentially the best 45 minutes of my life. She massaged nearly every square inch of my body from my pinky toes to eyebrows; when she was done I nearly said just do it again.

Reluctantly I departed and went to tell Ian all about it. After my ravings he decided that perhaps he would have a go after all, but upon finding out that he could only have a male masseuse he chickened out, saying that was too weird. I said he was ridiculous and missing out and spent a great deal of the rest of the day reminding him how amazing my massage was.

We logged a few more hours on the beach and had fun splashing in the waves. We sadly made our final trip to Buntal and enjoyed an absolutely divine meal of salt & pepper prawns, butter crab and steamed rice. We went back to the first restaurant we had tried in Buntal as it was quite easily the best.

We noticed that the girl who seated us spoke remarkably good English, we asked her if she had spent anytime in the UK and she told us that she had been living there for the past 11 years and just returned home two days ago.

We found this pretty remarkable; here was this young girl from a tiny fishing village in North Borneo whose parents own a tiny local restaurant and don’t speak so much as ‘yes’ or ‘no’ in English and managed to send their daughter off to the UK to study of all things, ballet.

It was pretty clear that her parents were beyond delighted to have her home and as we were backing out of the parking lot she was doling out gifts from the UK to what I assume were her younger cousins, nieces and nephews.

Borneo: Part 4

I bet you all thought I was done with Borneo, alas there are still more adventures, just been slow in getting them posted!

After a night of positively torrential rain, I was certain that we were in for another day of rain. But miraculously it cleared after breakfast and we enjoyed a lazy morning on the beach, it even got sunny enough for Ian to sustain a mild sunburn.

Unable to sit still for too long we packed up and decided to test out a hike we had spotted not far from our hotel. We parked the car and signed the sheet at the start of the trail marking our start time and leaving our mobile number (that probably should have been our first clue). The information board at the start said the total trail was 3.1 km and took about 5 hours – with it already being nearly 2:00 when we set off we had no intention of climbing Mount Santubong to the top (it did look pretty daunting). We settled for about halfway where there was a waterfall marked on the map. I will also note here that we were appropriately attired; hiking boots, trousers, bug spray etc.

We started and after a couple hundred meters the trail went more or less vertical. The trail was fairly well maintained but largely just followed streams running down the side of the mountain. It was hot, wet, muddy and steep. In fact, I have never been so hot in my entire life, it must have been well over 90 with the humidity at about the same. My shirt was soaked (in fact 36 hours later, it’s still wet) my hair dripping, I was miserable. Then I slipped and landed my foot in water just deep enough to come over the top of my boot; ten minutes later I swear to god I was suffering from trench foot.

The path was largely composed to twisted roots which provided an absolute abundance of excellent hiding places for any of the 115 species of snakes found in Borneo (don’t even get me started on the six types of flying tree snakes). The vegetation was dense and the mosquitoes the size of houseflies.

After an hour and a quarter of tough going we had barely completed a kilometre and there was no waterfall in sight. We came to yet another particularly steep bit and I put my foot down. I told Ian he could continue but he was just going to have to leave me here to die. With uncharacteristic energy he sprinted up the side of the mountain and 10 minutes later called my mobile (I was thrilled to discover we had reception) to inform me that he indeed had found the waterfall. I mustered the energy up the steep bit and then discovered that you had to virtually rappel down to the waterfall. Brave soul that I am, I managed.

We spent 10 minutes or so relaxing by the falls and then started back for the return journey. The return was far easier, but that didn’t stop me from complaining. I fell in again and could feel jungle water squelching between my toes, trying not to think of leeches I bravely carried on. An hour and a bit later when we emerged from the jungle the woman who runs that café at the base actually laughed at us. Laughed and pointed to the nearby stream, apparently suggesting that we were dirty, bedraggled and that we could do with a bit of a wash.

I had the best shower of my life, had a gin & tonic – purely medicinal as an extra layer of protection to fight off the malaria I had probably just contracted, booked myself in for a full body massage at 10 am the following morning and bade Ian take me to dinner and fill me with seafood until bursting point. After a delicious meal of kway teow, midin, red snapper and butter prawns I crawled back to the car, rolled into bed and slept soundly until I was awoken by another bout of torrential rain.

Borneo: Part 3

We awoke to more rain but unable to do anything about it, packed our bags for our next destination, Damai Beach. We took a wrong turn on the way driving past a woman with a several large tubes of bamboo roasting a fire.

Ian’s curiosity got the better of him so we pulled over to check it out. The tubes were filled with rice that had been soaked in some sort of green liquid and then roasted over the fire. We purchased one which the woman removed from the fire and then she peeled away the bamboo with pliers leaving the rice intact and held together by a very thin almost paper like layer of bamboo and then sliced the tube of rice into segments, just like sushi. The rice was tasty and I cannot begin to describe it or think of anything with which to compare it. Ian greatly enjoyed the novelty of the whole experience.

We made our way to our resort which is lovely, but the rain makes even the most impressive resort seem downright depressing. So we dropped our bags and went to explore the area. We drove through a couple of local villages ‘kampungs’ and found our way to the little gem that is Buntal. Locally quite famous, Buntal is a tiny village full of nothing but homes, fruit and veg stands and seafood restaurants.

We picked a restaurant at random for our lunch and were richly rewarded. The crab was clearly a local speciality so we asked the woman at the restaurant which was best, she didn’t speak much English but knew what we meant so she pointed to crab with egg. We also ordered some salt & pepper prawns and sat back and waited for our food to arrive. Shortly thereafter we received a huge pile of prawns fried and served on a heap of sea salt and the famed local Sarawak pepper.

Our crab came next, a mountain of cracked crab stir-fried in some sort of sauce which definitely contained egg and 5-spice, but after that I’m lost. It was delicious and messy. Fat and happy we returned to the hotel to digest and have a quick siesta. When we awoke it wasn’t exactly sunny, but there was at least a large patch of blue sky over the beach so we took a stroll and spotted some sea otters and decided that we should most definitely return to Buntal in search of our dinner.

Borneo: Part 2

Well despite a rainy day our impression of this place is not diminished and our spirits remain (mostly) intact. As yesterday was Ian’s 30th, we thought we’d make it extra special by going and paying a visit to the Orang-utans. The sanctuary here in Sarawak is home to about 20-odd orang-utans which have been rescued or were formerly kept as pets and have now been rehabilitated and roam freely within the reserve.

While we were waiting for the feeding area to open three orang-utans obliged us with an early visit. One juvenile, who plainly enjoyed showing off came crashing through the trees and was swinging around from branch to branch and hanging upside down. A mother with a tiny baby clinging to her also came along and the three of them came quite near, no further than 10 meters away and at one point were more or less overhead. Although later one of the park rangers piped up with this warning, ‘If they throw a small thing this is lucky, sometimes they throw a branch, sometimes they throw a snake, sometimes they throw a beehive.’ Thankfully, nothing was thrown.

After mother and baby departed another mother and baby came along and gave us a second photo opportunity. We were then allowed into the feeding area where we had to walk a couple hundred meters into the jungle. In there we found another young male who was greedily gobbling up fruit. At one point he had an entire bunch of bananas stuffed in his mouth and a mango in each foot. There were only about two dozen people there but easily must have been at least $50,000 worth of camera equipment. Needless to say it was a pretty special experience and amazingly only cost $1.00 each.

After the orang-utans we went Anna Rias which is a traditional Dayak village which welcomes visitors that sits right on the Indonesian border. On our way the gas tank suddenly dipped to near zero and started flashing. With no other option, we pulled over at a shack that had a motor services sign (no gas pump in site) and asked the barefooted, bare-chested proprietor if he had any petrol. I’m pretty sure he thought we were as strange as we found him. From nowhere he produced about five 1.5 litre Coke and 100 Plus bottles that had been refilled with gasoline. After Ian took a quick sniff to confirm it was indeed petrol, the man began emptying the Coke bottles into the gas tank and we were on our way.

We went and had a wander around the village and were offered a sample of their homemade rice wine (it was surprisingly good). The entire village is more or less on giant, rambling longhouse built about 15 feet off the ground and the floors made of strips of bamboo lashed together. The village was an odd collision of worlds, plenty of people were sitting around milling grain and weaving baskets and rattan mats whilst the place was dotted with astro satellites, children were running around with their Nintendo DS in hand and there was even a banner announcing their presence on Facebook.

We then returned to Kuching and had a delicious dinner of crispy soft-shell crab, Thai-style tilapia, midin which is a local jungle fern that looks like a bit like samphire but tastes like a slightly more bitter version of spinach and some rather boozy margaritas. Dinner was delicious and our lady-boy waitress took a very keen interest in Ian. She wouldn’t even look at me. We then had a few birthday beers and calling it a successful day, made it home in the pouring rain.

Borneo: Part 1

We’ve made it Borneo and Ian is greatly reassured by being back on an island. He doesn’t understand land borders and doesn’t like living in a place that has them. In any event, we’ve arrived and although we haven’t really even done anything yet, this is quickly shaping up to be one of my favourite trips.

We landed in Kuching around lunchtime after a lengthy delay due to crashed computer systems in KL and a bumpy ride over the South China Sea. The airport was full of Malay, Chinese, Sarawak natives and a handful of tired, hardened Western travellers with mud-caked boots and dripping with jungle-gear all getting flights either back to civilization or into deepest, darkest Borneo.

I had fairly high expectations for Kuching, as I had (as always) done my homework before coming. My expectations were further heightened when just days after sorting out the final details of our trip I stumbled upon a massive spread in the NYT about Borneo in which the author (a writer for Lonely Planet) had recently not only done a trip that included our exact itinerary, but also stayed in the same guesthouse that just days before we had booked ourselves into.

After a quick taxi ride in from the airport we arrived at our guesthouse and were greeted by Eric, the now-famed guesthouse proprietor from the NYT article. He set us up asked where we were from and proudly displayed for us the recent article that someone had been kind enough to send him from the States.

Our room was just what we required. Luxurious for having it’s own bathroom and AC, but basic in a thoroughly charming way and an absolute bargain at $25 a night. We are a short walk into town, but far enough away to not attract a lot of backpackers and it is mercifully quiet; more or less an adult hostel.

We set out to explore Kuching and it was instantly a refreshing break from KL. Quiet, clean (as little garbage as I have seen anywhere in Asia, save Japan) and we quickly found that drivers even use turn-signals here. Apparently, you come to Borneo for a bit of civilization.

The waterfront along the Sarawak River is incredibly picturesque. Renovated in 1993 it has a wide cobblestone path that winds along the river where there are a few scattered food-stalls serving satay and fruit juice with plenty of locals milling about chatting and relaxing on park benches. Local boats, that look like canoes with a little roof on them ferry people back and forth across the river, including loads of school children. A few fishermen also dot the river and from nearly every point along the path you have an unimpeded view of the impressive Sarawak state capitol building which not totally incongruously alongside little scatterings of traditional Malay homes built on stilts. At sunset the sky went several shades or pink, purple, yellow and orange and little fairy lights came on, lighting the way along the waterfront.

Sarawak is well-known as a place to buy native hand-crafts. Souvenir shops line the streets behind the waterfront, plenty of them selling corny t-shirts and factory made versions of traditional items. Carry on though and you quickly learn to distinguish the tat from the real deal. There is plenty of cool stuff to be had here, local medicine pots, swords, statues to keep away evil spirits and hand-woven textiles. Even better, you can go into these places and the store clerks don’t stalk you and walk around telling you they’ll give you ‘best discount.’ You can browse in peace.

Which brings me round to the locals themselves; we had been told by friends before coming that the locals everywhere in Borneo are incredibly friendly. We believed them but clearly didn’t grasp just how friendly. People constantly say hello to you, not in a pestering way, but genuinely just to say hello and welcome. Little children who can muster up the courage to overcome their shyness love to say hello and give you a vigorous little wave.

There are of course, as everywhere, plenty of other Westerners about, but on the whole this place feels remarkably un-touristy. No crowds, no queues, no hassle. In many ways it’s like a smaller, quieter Melaka.

The food here is absolutely amazing. Everything has the same name as in peninsular Malaysia, but tastes quiet different. Ian had a beef rendang yesterday that was clearly cooked in the same method – melt in your mouth tender with plenty of coconut milk, but the spicing was completely unlike anything we’d had before. We also had the best Kway Teow (which is essentially the Malaysian version of pad-Thai) that we’ve had yet and even our chicken satay was just that little bit different. Perhaps best of all, an ice cold can of Tiger will only set you back about $1.50.

St Valentine's Day Massacre, Malaysia-style

Generally speaking, living in Malaysia is very easy.  Everyone speaks English, I feel safe, I have a nice home and a good job - everything feels pretty normal.  Then occasionally you hear about things that remind me just how very far from home I actually am. 

On the morning of the 15th I heard about this:

KUALA LUMPUR: Malaysia has arrested nearly 100 Muslims in a religious crackdown on Valentine’s Day, officials said Tuesday, after Islamic authorities warned the celebration encourages “vice activities”.

Raids across the capital and central Selangor state, saw 96 individuals detained for “khalwat”, or “close proximity”, an Islamic law barring Muslims from being alone with someone of the opposite sex other than their spouse.

The mass arrests came after religious authorities in the Muslim-majority nation warned against “immoral acts” during Valentine’s Day, saying they wanted to promote a sin-free lifestyle.

In Kuala Lumpur, religious enforcement officers raided budget hotels and public parks ahead of Valentine’s Day detaining 16 Muslims, mainly teenagers, a spokesman from the Federal Territory Islamic Affairs Department told AFP.

“The operation was part our regular raids to stop ’khalwat’,” said Asmawi Umar, adding the teenagers had paid around 50 ringgit ($15) for a hotel room for two hours.

In Selangor, 80 Muslims were rounded up during raids between midnight and 6am on Valentine’s Day, according to media reports, quoting state religious authorities.

They face up to two years in jail and a fine if convicted in an Islamic sharia court.

Under Malaysia’s dual-track legal system sharia courts can try Muslims for religious and moral offences. More than 60 percent of the nation’s 28 million population are Muslim Malays.

Religious authorities last week launched a campaign called “Mind the Valentine’s Day trap” to condemn the celebration and said they would reject anything that contravenes Islamic teachings.

“In reality, as well as historically, the celebration of Valentine’s Day is synonymous with vice activities,” said Wan Mohamad Sheikh Abdul Aziz, head of Malaysia Islamic Development Department, which oversees the country’s Islamic policies. - AFP

Read more: Muslims arrested in Valentine's crackdown http://www.nst.com.my/nst/articles/MuslimsarrestedinValentine_scrackdown/Article/#ixzz1EU7ilBEQ

Needless to say, this was a much-discussed topic of conversation amongst the expats at work the following day. Things like this don't seem to happen in KL too often and the religious authorities frequently seem to be a bit less zealous here than in other parts of the country. That being said, the call to prayer from our local mosque is loud, very loud and sometimes the mullah likes to just get on the mic and pontificate a bit so you can hear this rambling in Arabic being projected across Bangsar.  Apparently, some local authority figure complained and then the mosque burned an effigy of this guy.  I think he dropped the complaint.

BYOB

Apologies for the gap between updates, but really I've had very little of interest to report.  I've been pulling 10 hour work days sitting in front of a computer, so as a result nothing interesting has been happening to me and I don't really want to look at a computer screen when I get home.

Anyway, as I type Ian is currently tinkering with our plumbing.  I went to wash the dishes yesterday and this is what came out of our tap:

It's been 48 hours and this is still going on.  I suspect this is a result of the heavy, heavy rain we received over the weekend.  It poured. Now one of the very few things Malaysia regularly gets right is sewage and drainage - mostly due to the constant threat of malaria and dengue fever - so when several roads wash out and your plumbing is screwed it probably rained pretty hard.

All I can say is thank goodness it's cheap to eat out and don't be expect to be invited round ours for drinks anytime too soon.

In other news travel plans for a trip to India in June are in full swing.  A very dear friend is getting married, so we're off to Madras for a 5-day South-Indian wedding and then I've got nearly two weeks travelling around with my French-Canadian sidekick who previously survived two weeks in Morocco with me.

Otherwise we are off to Borneo at the end of next week and our anti-malarial regimen beings on Friday.  Orangutans, snorkeling and drinks with tiny umbrellas in them, here I come.

Garden variety weekend

I've been following the weather reports in Chicago and can't quite decide if I'm jealous or overjoyed to not be there. On this end it has been hot - and I mean hot.  Yesterday, I made the mistake of walking out to the pool without sandals and nearly scorched the bottom of my feet.  I decided to go back and retrieve my sandals but stuck my feet in the pool quickly so I could make it safely back - I swear the pavement sizzled and my feet were instantly dry the moment they re-hit the pavement.

Taking advantage of the great weather and our four-day weekend, yesterday we went to explore KL's Lake Gardens.  The Lake Gardens are KL's answer to Central or Grant Park and contain (apparently the world's largest) aviary, there is a butterfly garden, orchid and hibiscus gardens as well as plenty of open spaces, jungle and plenty of mangy macaques to rummage through the bins.

We gave the aviary a miss as we were fairly certain it's something we'll end up doing with visitors at some point anyway.  The real highlights were the flower gardens, particularly the orchids.

They sell loads of the orchids that they plant there, so we thought we'd try our hand at keeping one alive and picked up a lovely purple and white one (like in the photo) for $2.00. 

It's another glorious day outside today, so we'll be off on further adventures.  The city is eerily quiet with the Chinese New Year celebrations on and all the Chinese shops and restaurants closed. It's nice during holidays here as each major holiday usually only pertains to a certain segment of the population; so although things certainly get quieter nothing ever completely shuts down and it tends to provide a great opportunity to beat the crowds.

Play it again, Sam

Imagine your least favourite childhood song - or better yet, your least favourite Christmas song - in Chinese, with children who have been given a hefty dose of speed singing it.  That is what is playing in every shop in Malaysia right now, and it repeats itself about every 45 seconds (literally, this is not an exaggeration).

I'm absolutely certain that if this were Europe, the EU would rule that to play this on repeat would be in violation of labour laws and probably even health and safety. If this were America, labor unions would be striking. It makes me homicidal.

I'm fairly certain this is a Chinese New Year thing, so hopefully it will be over soon.  I might even start sleeping again.

It's a jungle out there

'Marissa, Marissa wake up! It's time to go see the elephants!' No joke, that was Ian at 7:00 am sharp this morning.

So off to the elephants we went.  An hour and half drive deep into the jungle, with the last 12km or so down a two-lane road dotted with shacks and traditional Malay homes, we arrived.  Ian couldn't keep the grin off his little face.

Kuala Gandah Elephant Sanctuary

The sanctuary was a fair bit more sophisticated than I expected.  Lots of information about the elephants, a cafe, plenty of toilets and shower and lovely grounds.  Lousy gift shop though, it consisted of tacky tee-shirts and a few souvenir coffee mugs that said 'save the elephants' - done in permanent marker.  No one knows how to make a buck like the Americans.

I digress.  We followed the sounds of elephants trumpeting away and soon armed with peanuts, were able to feed the babies.

We got well and truly covered in elephant snot, but it was fun anyway.  We then had some time to kill before the fun really got started, which is when we got to ride the elephants and then join them in the river at bath time. (I'm pleased to say that on a subsequent visit they had eliminated the rides, which are bad for the elephants and have improved the bathing process significantly so that it is far less stressful for them.)

So we had a great day and learned a lot.  The Asian Elephant is an endangered species due to deforestation and urbanization - although in Malaysia that is called 'forest conversion'.  Most of this 'conversion' is the result of palm oil plantations - which destroy the elephant habitats. The elephants then take to raiding plantations, costing farmers lots of money.  Herds also get split up or trapped in small parcels of land often surrounded by plantation or other obstructions.

Malaysia gets really defensive about palm oil and (perhaps fairly) think it's a bit rich for the US and European countries to be lecturing about environmental policy.

The entire west coast of Malaysia from Penang to Johor is pretty much one giant oil palm plantation. It's heart-breaking. The problem with palm oil is not just simple the deforestation, it's the destruction of primary rainforest, that will never grow back. Oil palms grow very quickly, but they also have a relatively short life cycle, so once they are no longer productive, plantations are abandoned and the land is good for little else other than building on.

While Malaysia is pretty naughty, it pales in comparison to Indonesia - and Malaysia likes to remind you of that any chance they get. 

Back to the elephants. Kuala Gandah looks after 'displaced' elephants not only from Malaysia, but Thailand, Burma and around Southeast Asia.  Some are re-released others remain at the sanctuary.  The sanctuary is remarkably uncritical of the plantations and farmers.  Whether it is because they count on their cooperation to be notified of raiding elephants or they simply just view it as an essential part of Malaysia's development plan, it's hard to tell. 

Either way, they are certainly getting part of the equation right (and it's a great day out). We left what we thought was a fairly generous donation and will certainly be taking visitors there.

TGIF

It's 18:35 Friday, I'm home, sitting outside with gin and tonic in hand. Ian is in the pool. First time all week we've been home before 7:00 and it feels good. Big weekend ahead.  Off to elephant sanctuary tomorrow morning to spend day feeding and splashing about in the river with baby elephants.  I'm excited, Ian is really excited.  Birthday celebrations to commence on Sunday, think we'll spoil ourselves with steaks and red wine.

Have officially survived week two of the new job.  Phew.  Not only have I learned a lot about Malaysian work culture, but the commute is teaching me many lessons as well.  I thought I had the rules (or lack thereof) of the road pretty figured out, but highway driving is it's whole own thing.  Apparently, and infuriatingly the middle lane is the slow lane - so there is no elegant way to change lanes, you just gun it or slam on the breaks about 3 times in 15 seconds, awesome.

Now I generally do not support the bashing of women drivers, we all know men get in more wrecks and far more devastating ones.  But the women here, particularly the Malay women, are shockingly bad and I've figured out why - it's because they can't bloody see.  Very few women here wear full burkahs, but a great deal of them do wear headscarves.

And as you can see, they don't have any peripheral vision! It's like driving with the hood of a parka pulled over your head. It's entirely hopeless, not to mention that nine times out of ten they've got a baby on their lap or a 3 year old bouncing all over car - or both!

Needless to say, every trip to and from work is indeed an adventure.

Patience is a virtue

I report to you this evening from bed.  That's right, bed.  Not a mattress on the floor, but a real bed that is at least an entire foot off the ground. Hooray.

In other news the new job is improving, starting to get the hang of things and can just about sleep through the night without a 2am panic attack.  I'm also learning a lot about work ethic and work culture in Malaysia.

Firstly, people here work hard, and they certainly work a lot.  About the same half dozen security guards at our condo seem to be here all the time - at a minimum these guys work 12 hour shifts, 6 days a week - maybe more.  There is a local restaurant, open 24 hours - nearly the entire staff of about 20 guys live in once house. Shift change is at 7:00 and 7:00.  Everyday, 10 in and 10 out every twelve hours.

We also have a friend whose (admittedly crap) car has broken down several times.  Last week the mechanic fixed the transmission, this week it broke again - what did the mechanic do?  He felt bad and offered our friend the use of his own car.  So before I start my massive whinge, let the record show, I get how hard people work here and for how little.

Now that being said, I think a generous estimate would be that every time you seek out and pay for a professional service - at best they get it about half right.  If it involved having to actually go into a store to arrange or purchase something (for example broadband), you'll have to go back at least once. If you've scheduled a time for a delivery or repair you may as well block out your whole day. If it involved spelling (say invitations) or having something altered (curtains) something will go wrong.  The curtains, speaking from first-hand experience here, will either all be different lengths or they will at least be the same length - but not the length you specified.  My level of expectation has been dramatically reduced.

I was having a conversation at work the other day about working with 'local' staff.  The term 'local' staff gives me the creeps, talk about colonial.  Anyway, whilst acknowledging that we have many extremely capable and devoted staff, there was a discussion about how to get them to do things.  E-mail, no. Phone, no. In person, no. Just asking nicely, no. Threatening, no.  In order to accomplish anything, you have to make a big song and dance about what a great big favour they are doing you etc. etc.  Now this is obviously annoying on two levels:  1. It's a complete waste of time. 2. You shouldn't have to cajole someone into doing what's in their job description.  And even  after you've basically tricked them into doing their job, you're probably going to have to chase them up about it a couple of times.

Lots to learn, all character building I'm sure. Whether this is all going to make me a more or less patient person remains to be seen.

Baptism of Fire

I've been quite neglectful of this blog recently, but have mercy, it's been a bit of a baptism of fire at work this week.  Still finding my feet in the new job - but no major disasters (yet) and things are happening; albeit far slower than I would like.  Most things in Malaysia happen slower than I would like.

Anyway, let's not talk about work, it's a public holiday today (god only knows what for, we have about one a week, but I think this is a Hindu one). 

Work aside we've still been keeping busy and at the risk of sounding like home store advert, this place is actually starting to look and feel like a home.  My employment has greatly loosened the purse-strings around here and not only are we awaiting the arrival of bed, sofa and coffee table - but we've acquired some fun stuff too!

 

Ian decided he couldn't live another moment without a proper television - so for a mere £300/$490/RM1500 we acquired a brand new Samsung 32 inch flat screen and Philips Blue-Ray player.  I'm not going to lie, I love it too, but Ian clearly loves his new toys more than me.

Ian also couldn't resist the temptation to buy garden lights made out of actual coconuts.  'Totally tropical' in his words.

I nearly had my first 'I hate Asia' meltdown this afternoon after we spent 30 minutes circling a parking garage in which there were CLEARLY no spaces no left but they kept letting people in anyway.  There were literally at least 100 cars tearing around the place battling for the very, very few spaces that were actually being vacated.  Ultimately, we abandoned the car against a wall where it seemed fairly unlikely it would get hit.  We returned 2+ hours later (after a delicious Indonesian lunch and battling the crowds at Ikea), no ticket, no clamping, no damage.  Phew.

Happy New Year, round 2

It's been a busy first week back.  Getting past the jet lag, undoing Ian's little messes and getting my act together to face my first full week of work in the office.  As for work, I'm nervous, scared but mostly really excited to get back into a proper routine and engage my brain on a regular basis.  Housewifery is just not for me.  Paychecks will be pretty cool too.


Yesterday we spent shopping and successfully acquired a sprinkling of new things that will go a long way towards filling this empty shell of a condo.  We found and ordered a fancy new coffee table (teak of course), downside being that we have to wait a month for it.  We've also reached a compromise on a bed (alleluia!), found a sofa, picked up a few more kitchen utensils and finally got some smoke detectors!  Hoping for a less hectic (and less expensive) day today.  Hopefully the somewhat elusive sun will pop out for a few hours allowing me a few hours poolside to retrieve my tan that abandoned me in the States. 

The weather has felt distinctly cooler since I've returned - which here means the low 80s.  It has also been England-grey and a bit on the rainy side.  The mosquitoes have been persistent as ever.  I counted 24 bites yesterday, I'm sure the number is higher today.  Citronella and all other supposed natural deterrents are an absolute myth - I'm coming round to the idea that I may just have to walk around in a cloud of DEET 24/7.

Malaysia is rapidly gearing up for Chinese New Year (Feb. 3), the year of the rabbit.  Red lanterns abound and little Chinese markets selling all sorts of plants and trinkets, presumably our equivalents of poinsettias and Christmas ornaments, have sprung up all over the place.  Best of all, Chinese New Year seems to mean that beer goes on sale - $30 for a 26 can 'prosperity pack' of Tiger. 

Home Sweet Home

Having spent the last week traversing 3 continents and traveling over 10,500 miles it feels very good to be home (however you want to define it).  Most of all, it feels good to not have a suitcase constantly trailing behind me. It was a mixed trip back, sad as always to leave Chicago but I did manage not one but 2 jaunts into London, getting the chance to potter around the city a bit and catch up with friends.

London to KL was pure misery.  Two hours late departing Heathrow pretty much wiped out my connection time in Abu Dhabi.  I got off the plane at 2:36 am and my next flight departed at 2:50 am.  Miraculously, I somehow made it from the rear of the plane, through security, to the complete other end of the airport (the next to last gate) and onto the plane as they were announcing final, final call.  Credit to Etihad Airways, my luggage even made the connection - I am still grateful and totally impressed.  (I was however at one point certain that I had actually sprinted to my death.  Abu Dhabi to KL was without the question the bumpiest ride I have ever experienced in my long history of flying - not those gentle bumps you can sleep through, the kind where your stomach feels like it's dropped down to your feet.  We bumped along like this for the last 2 hours of the flight, there were sighs of relief and a round of applause when we landed).

I arrived home to a not-quite-tidy flat that Ian has semi-reverted into a bachelor-pad - no toilet paper but copies of Wired magazine littering the bathroom floor and literally no food.  His reign is over.  He did however redeem himself slightly in that in my absence he managed to acquire some decent wine glasses, two floor lamps and his newfound pride and joy

a lovely little lime tree that set us back a mere $9.00!

I too (after stateside trips to Target, Crate & Barrel and Williams Sonoma) returned with a sprinkling of items that make this place look slightly more inhabited including new bathmats, table cloths, placemats and other kitchen implements.  More importantly I returned with a big bottle of gin (thanks mom and Thomas).  We also have our first visitors, a quick shout-out to Nick and Michelle here from Bristol who kindly treated us to banana-leaf curry and a round of beers last night.

I've been back just over 24 hours and asleep for a good deal of it, but have already acquired a fresh sprinkling of mosquito bites.  It's good to be home.